I am finally building the courage to post here because I'm hoping I would find some relief for the pain I have been feeling from past three days. I got my baby alexandrine in December, named him groot and have been raising him, he was a very chirpy active sweet bird, since I got him I felt a special connection with him. I loved him with my whole heart. We didn't used to cage him if not necessary and that's why he has gotten really good at flying. I should have known that I was taking a big risk transferring him from my room at the terrace to the living room downstairs everyday(that's where my parents live, I'm Indian) and his cage was too heavy to transfer up and down everyday.
But I always used to hide him under my shirt to protect him from sun. On 21st April I put my hand out and he quickly hopped down like usual, I would have hidden him under my shirt but then I remembered that I had to pick up my phone charger from my brother's room, that was next to my room. I went out holding his legs with my thumb and I dropped my phone, that spooked him and he took a straight long flight and disappeared in front of my eyes, I saw him going straight and then he disappeared. My heart stopped when he did, my worst nightmare came true that day and I keep reliving it in my head.
I went to look for him in the direction he flew to, but didn't find him, I came back home, made fliers and distributed in the area. The problem is so many trees and small houses are around here and he could just be anywhere. I was hoping for a miracle that someone would spot him or something would happen but after more than three days I'm starting to lose hope
Everyone wants me to get over him, he's just a bird, just a bird, he probably is happy out there etc but the guilt is killing me. I could have prevented this from happening. I let my baby go and now I can't function, I'm crying from last three days , I have had like one meal and seeing my condition my dad got me another alexandrine baby (bless him truly) and I love him already. But I can't not miss my Groot every second and it's plaguing my thoughts. I usually used to feed him after going downstairs, and he was hungry when he flew. The bad thoughts are running through my head, what if a hawk or eagle attacked him? What if he starved? I shouldn't think like that, I should be positive but I haven't seen him or heard of him since then, it's as if he disappeared entirely.
The guilt is too much to take and this is the worst pain I have ever felt in my life, I can't seem to find the light at the end of the tunnel. That day he slept on my head for so long, usually he used to create ruckus around the room but that day he was so quiet and just slept with me as if he knew. I just feel I would never move on from losing him like this, he was so young and I lost him so soon.