Thinking Out Loud

[liz]

With my physical and emotional illness I have to fight to get out of bed everyday. I have no one to take care of me therefore I have no one to take care of my pets. I have a lot of pets. My doctors don't know how I am still going when others have just given up and passed on.

I am important if not to a human then I have my lots of pets. They love me and show their love. I am only still going on because they need me. I am important and they let me know how happy they are with me.

You are important. You are loved.

[patti]

Depression is so terrible when it gets ahold of you. It sucks when you have an illness that effects your ability to think. My old roommate was severely depressed and suicidal so i have some experience with it from the outside, and those negative patterns of thought just seem to recreate themselves all on their own! I can tell from your post that you have the ability to self-analyze. You can see yourself, your thoughts, and your actions from the outside... which was something my roommate could not do. This allows you to figure out when it is your depression talking and disallow that train of thought, so to speak. So trust that you have the ability to make a good decision here about how your depression impacts your ability to care for your new baby. It will just take you a bit longer because you have to sort through muck to find it. you can do it.

and i have some experience with it from the inside too, because i am really down right now. i am on my second major injury in a row, and this one has tkaen all the joy out of my life... pins and screws and may not get full use of my arm back, i dont know. it has been hard to take care of my bird. so i have to do my PT exercises twice a day even though they hurt like crazy. to be honest, i dont want to do anything but stare at a wall. but if i am going to feel like crap anyway, i could be staring at the wall or getting stuff done and still feel like crap either way... so i get stuff done because that is how i can start to feel better. and in the meantime, i am trying to ignore how i feel. i guess i'm trying to control my thoughts so that they do not control me. cutting helps to get that control - i used to do it when i was a teenager - but ideally and with practice you can do it without cutting. you have the ability. who knows what life will be like six months from now.

[Pajarita]

I am so sorry you are going through such a bad time, Patti. But you are doing the right thing - fake until you make it! And it works, too! There is scientific evidence that smiling, even when you are just faking and not actually 'feeling' the smile, makes you feel better because the muscles in the face that 'make' the smile send signals to the brain which, in turn, reacts with feelings of wellbeing. So keep on doing what you are doing and smile while you do it, and one day soon you will feel better for real. And, if you don't, you can always come hear and chat with us.

[patti]

well put. that always works. in the meantime, lily has just now figured out how to open her cage all by herself. little bugger! she wants to come over and give me kisses and make me feel better while i work, i guess.

[Pajarita]

Awwww, sweet baby bird!